I was staying in the Salvadoran countryside for a week in order to better understand life in the "campo" compared to the urban environment where I lived with my classmates. Naturally, I bonded with my host family as we shared meals, played soccer, picked mangos, and participated in communal events occurring during my stay. On my last day as I said goodbye, I spoke the familiar word "Adiós." My Salvadoran host family, however, responded with a phrase that was unfamiliar to me, "Te estaremos esparando." I understood the literal translation of this phrase, but not the context in which they chose to use it. It means either, "We will be waiting for you," or, "We will be hoping for you."
Recently, I came to understand this phrase better. One of my longest and closest friends decided to move to Australia. At her going away party, I toasted her using the same phrase and translating it by saying, "I will be both waiting for you to return whenever you like, as well as hoping for your greatest happiness while you're away."
I have learned from sexual abuse recovery that waiting and hoping, like this Spanish phrase suggests, are inextricably bound together with the work required in between them. My entire life I have waited for a place where I could feel safe, a time where I would be free to choose my own path, a body that I felt comfortable in, a community that loved me unconditionally, and a life that would bring me a great amount of meaning. While working to accomplish these things, the hope that these places, times, spaces, peoples, and experiences were real kept me moving forward through the worst of the trauma and the PTSD that followed.
In many ways, I am still waiting and hoping as I work for these things to be realized. I'm still waiting and hoping for better tools to manage my depression and anxiety. I'm still waiting and hoping to find a professional path that aligns better with my health and my value system. But as I reflect on my life and my recovery process thus far, I also feel so grateful for all of the waiting and hoping that has been realized through the work that I have done: a safe and loving home, a body that strengths everyday, a supportive community, and a life that continues to expand in meaning.Â
As I become more connected to the greater community of survivors, I am becoming more aware of how much we are waiting, hoping, and working together. Society is finally beginning to listen to the stories of sexual abuse victims and hold the perpetrators accountable for their behavior. Movements represented in hashtags like #MeToo, #TimesUp, and #AskMoreOfHim, are just beginning to highlight the prevalence of violence in the workplace and demand that more be done to make these environments safe for women. So many have waited, hoped, and worked tirelessly to get this conversation to reach the global stage and are celebrating as their dreams have become reality. And yet, we are still waiting, hoping, and working for so much more.
Jimmy Kimmel, the host of the 2018 Oscars, cleverly challenged us to expand the reach of these movements by saying, "If we can stop sexual harassment in the workplace, [...] women will only have to deal with it all times, at every other place they go." We are still waiting, hoping, and working for the conversation to expand to the abuse that occurs in homes between family members, in social settings between friends, and to all people regardless of gender. The support of non-survivors is crucial in the expansion of these movements.
As we wait, hope, and work, I am more aware than ever that we, as a community of victims, survivors, and supporters, are bound together and that it will take all of us waiting, hoping, and working to end sexual violence for all people, across all nations, for all time. Together let us say "Adiós" to sexual abuse and "Te estaremos esparando" to recovery and peace for all.
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Photo Credits:
1. Wrists