By: Anne Lauren
Life is full of firsts: first steps, first words, and first kisses to name a few. Recently I've had the privilege to observe a variety of firsts. As a part time nanny, I've been spending time with two small children who experience first things daily: the first time he walked into the science museum, the first time she learned to say no, the first time he tried Miso soup. In children's lives, these firsts are so apparent and I watch in amazement as these little beings light up with every new experience that their lives bring. Luckily, the experiences of firsts are not limited to children.
In the last two months, I have attended a wedding where my friends first proclaimed, "I do!" I was moved as families from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds chose a seat not a side and identified as one family for the first time. I have observed another friend take a risk and transfer all of her belongings from a 1200 square foot apartment into an RV for a more adventurous and mobile lifestyle for her family of four. I have applauded another for speaking boldly to her employer by advocating and earning a higher salary and more suitable work environment for herself. Life is, indeed, full of firsts that invite us to improve our lives and so our world.
All of the examples above reveal the joy in beautiful, happy firsts, but many firsts are also born from great tragedy. In the San Francisco Bay Area, the place I proudly call home, our community has suffered immensely from a variety of wild fires that have stolen the lives of many and the homes of so many more. Possibly for the first time, the victims will have to rebuild their lives from nothing. On a global level, #MeToo has given the opportunity to over one million people to publicly share, often for the first time, their experiences with sexual harassment in order to reveal how common this mistreatment is and how infrequently it is addressed. For other victims who have chosen not to post, it has triggered their own  personal stories of abuse and inspired them to seek healing for the first time.
Both events above have inspired a new first for me: this blog, a commitment to public openness about my own experience with sexual assault, the recovery process, and the rebuilding of my life. When I was 24 years old, I had my first flashbacks of childhood incest abuse. I was in my second year of graduate school, was broke and in lots of debt, my health had deteriorated; I had no where to turn. I left my family and needed to begin again. This time of my life gave me the possibility to pursue a multitude of firsts. I needed to build a new family, a new career, and a new identity. I needed to heal my body and mind from the consequences of so many years of violence.
Today I am proud to say that pursuing so many firsts have brought me to a safe home, a supportive community, a exploratory career, and manageable health. Choosing a new daily first made my life better step by step. In this blog, I wish to share this process: experiences of the past and present, resources gathered and lessons learned, hopes and concerns for the future, the joys and sorrows of trauma recovery and rebuilding a life. I commit to being truthful and authentic. I hope to be inspiring. I want so much for the world to be a better place and believe it will be first by first.