Many of the men in my early years robbed me of my childhood, identity, beauty, health, and happiness. They don't deserve my words. Below are some stories of the many men in my life who taught me to take those things back and helped me to do so:
MY GRANDFATHER
All my female cousins had boyfriends. I felt sad and jealous. He scooped me up onto his knee and reassured me, "Annie, the best ones are worth the longest wait." He valued me.
MY FOURTH GRADE TEACHER
I was his favorite. Everybody knew. I didn't understand why he chose to care about me above the rest, but for the first time he made me feel special. I did nothing to deserve his favor, but I loved that I had it.
MY FRESHMAN WATER POLO COACH
I was the strongest player on the Freshmen Water Polo team. There were high expectations for me to perform. One game, I wasn't playing at my normal ability. My coach pulled me aside, raised his voice, and challenged me, "You're better than this, Annie." I jumped back in the pool, scored a goal, and smiled as he praised me from the sidelines, "That's my girl!" He knew my potential and drew it out of me.
MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART
He loved me from the beginning. It wasn't requited until a year later. He persisted. We went on walks on the beach everyday, he invited me to dances, bought me flowers. He knew I was worth fighting for and fight for me he did. We were best friends and lovers for two years after. Eventually, we grew up and became very different adults, but this first love was a good one.
MY COLLEGE ADVISER
I had just found out that my ex-boyfriend from college started dating another woman. I was devastated. One day my grief spilled out of me in the middle of class. All the teachers knew how close my adviser and I were, so my teacher must've told him about the incident. He saw me sitting in the hallway of the department working on the computer. Gently he came up beside me and asked if I were OK. I started bawling. I clearly wasn't. He got down onto his knees, held my hands, looked me in the eyes, and started listing the  characteristics of the man who deserves to be with me, the man who he wants me to spend my life with. It was very clear that my ex was not that man. My advisor knew what I was worthy of and encouraged me to keep looking.
A FEW SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS
These men were my first counselors. They listened to me endlessly while I tried to make sense of my ever growing and changing world. They honored my process and accompanied me on my journey.
SCHOOL FRIENDS
These men loved me for who I was without expecting anything in return. They laughed with and at me, challenged me, reminded me to be brave and to have a little fun in the mess of recovery. They saw me. I continue to adore them.
A SECOND DAD
This guy welcomed me into his family and reminded me constantly that I belonged. One time, I was recalling to him some difficult parts of my past. I concluded the story by saying, "That's OK though." He stopped me abruptly and proclaimed, "NO! That's not OK. That'll never be OK. And you don't have to say that here." He gave me permission to share the hard stuff. He could receive it.
FOG
An entire water polo team of men who annoy me because they desire so much to protect me that they go easy on me in games. I've never felt so safe and respected in a pool full of athletes stronger, bigger, and faster than me. They challenge me every match to be better, while prioritizing my safety over their needs.
MY LITTLEST BROTHER
He continued to choose me when I walked away from my family. He demanded that we stay in relationship, that we learn to hold the complexity of our family circumstances gently together. He honors my boundaries, while observing his own.
A GOOD BOSS
This one could hold my story because he had a family member who was sexually assaulted. He encouraged me to share my story publicly when I was ready. Well, here I am doing just that.
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I'm so grateful for all of the men who washed away the bad treatment of my abusers and replaced it with love, affirmation, respect, loyalty, and laughter. You're the best guys!