He’s still out there. My father: the man who raped me from two to my teens. He’s still out there leading a home, building a business, and attending church services. He still spends his weekends with children from two to their teens. He’s still out there. So, I’m not safe.
He’s still out there. Brett Kavanaugh: the man who forced a young woman into a strange bed and groped and grinded her, put his hand over her mouth when she attempted to scream to protect herself. He’s still out there. The man who pulled down his pants and forced his penis into another young woman’s face. Today, he sits on the Supreme Court. He’s still out there, so she’s not safe.
He’s still in me. His threats to keep me quiet, his blame, his verbal violence breaking down my identity, my body, my brain. He’s still wired into my neurological pathways. My safety is bound to my silence, my survival bound to my submission. He denied everything. He will not take responsibility.
He’s still in her. Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford: her tears well up in her eyes and her voice shakes, as she tells the story of being bound to that bed so many years ago. His denial of his own behavior, his inability to answer honestly simple questions, his anger about being held accountable splashed across his face, he will not take responsibility.
They chose him. My entire family: I told them what happened and they abandoned me. They chose him. The police: I tried to report the crimes when the repressed memories resurfaced years later, but by then it was too late: the statue of limitation laws had passed. Â
They chose him. 50-48. This sexual perpetrator now holds a seat on the United States Supreme Court. He is not the only one.They chose him. 1991- Clarence Thomas: 52-48. Anita Hill’s story cast aside just as quickly as Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s, just as quickly as mine.
He was supposed to keep me safe. My father. He was supposed to protect me. He was supposed to control himself. He chose to rape me over and over again. At two years old, my safety became my responsibility. I was forced to choose safety for myself. I ran away from my family at 24 and never returned.
He is supposed to keep us safe. He is supposed to interpret the law to protect the most vulnerable members of our society. He chose to threaten the safety of other women. She chose safety for herself, as she ran down the stairs and out of that house as fast as she could. It seems safety will continue to be our responsibility.
I have told my story and nothing was done. She has told her story and nothing was done. They’re still out there. Who is to take responsibility now?
I have the right to be safe. She has the right to be safe. Together, we will continue to roar and to rise until you, our neglectful government, hear us when we scream: Because of you, they’re still out there; because of you, we’re still not safe.
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