It’s Nothing But a Neuron! Exploring How to Retrain the Brain and Heal from Sexual Abuse
By: Rachel Grant
Have you ever walked by a pie shop and, upon smelling a fresh baked pumpkin pie, been transported back in time to a fond memory of Thanksgiving? I know I certainly have. It’s amazing how sights, sounds, and smells can immediately transport us to another time and space. For me, Thanksgiving was always a great time with my family, so now when I smell pumpkin pie, the images of my mother and father and I sitting around the Thanksgiving table come right back to me - crystal clear. Immediately, I notice a lift in my mood.
Now, consider the implication if, instead of the warm smell of pumpkin pie, the experience is abuse. For example, my abuser always wore an orange fuzzy sweater. After the abuse occurred, this sweater, that I used to love cuddling up next to became associated with the abuse. Years later, if I saw a similar article of clothing that had this familiar texture, I would be immediately transported back to moments of abuse and feel scared. In other words, I would be triggered.
There is a saying – neurons that fire together, wire together. When we have a positive or negative experience, neuronal pathways are created in the brain by neurons firing and connecting to create a neural net. For example, when I smelled the pumpkin pie, what was actually happening was that a particular neuronal pathway was ignited. This neural net was then modified to hold the initial memory of Thanksgiving with family and ignited when I walked by the pie shop.
This is also occurring when pathways that hold trauma memories or associations are reactivated in the present day. This is, at the bottom of it, what it means to be “triggered” - some outside stimulus activates the brain and, if there is a negative association, the flight, fight, or freeze response is activated. If our experience starts to make us feel trapped or scared, we may respond in the same way we did when needing to survive the abuse rather than in a way that actually addresses the present day stressor.
According to Daniel Siegel in The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (1999, Guilford Press), with “chronic occurrence, these states can become more readily activated (retrieved) in the future, such that they become characteristic traits of the individual. In this way, our lives can become shaped by reactivations of implicit memory, which lack a sense that something is being recalled. We simply enter these ingrained states and experience them as the reality of our present experience.”
Once I understood this, I then better understood why I would respond to my significant other play wrestling with me with fear and anger thinking that what he was doing was the problem, when, in fact, it was a neuronal pathway being triggered and the implicit memory of my abuser restraining me that was activated. As Siegel explains, these responses represent “impairments of memory processing.”
So then, are we always to be held hostage by these firing neurons? Absolutely not! Siegel brings hope to the situation by saying that, “Each day is literally the opportunity to create a new episode of learning, in which recent experience will become integrated with the past and woven into the anticipated future. Neurons can be re-wired!
As Siegel states, when one is able to inhibit the ingrained state and respond to a situation, trigger, or stressor in a new way, that neuronal pathway will be adapted. The more frequently this occurs, the more modified the neuronal pathway becomes, and the behavior, thought, or emotion that is produced is also modified.
There are many ways in which the brain can be rewired, BUT perhaps the first step is to simply understand the fact that many of our present day responses, thoughts, emotions are nothing but a neuronal pathway lighting up! Recognition of this creates space for us to consider the possibility that what we think or feel is going on may not be what is, in fact, really happening.
I’ve come to affectionately think of these interpretations as “stories” – our little efforts at trying to explain or understand why something has happened. Unfortunately, most of the time – like 99% of the time – the story we come up with is really just an old neuronal pathway begging to be fed. We usually quickly oblige and find ourselves mired in negative self-talk and self-thought.
From my experience coaching people who have been abused, the ability to actually respond in a new way comes as a result of, first, developing the ability to separate what is actually happening from the interpretations or emotions that follow. For example, one of my clients always felt triggered and upset when her partner would touch her shoulder. Through our work together, she was able to identify that her abuser had always gripped her shoulder to lead her into the room where he would abuse her. Through our time working together, we were able to identify this association and then use strategies to desensitize her to this touch and to replace the negative association with a positive one. For example, we started slowly, having her partner ask for permission to touch her shoulder. He would then do so if she said yes, and then she would practice looking him in the eyes and connecting his touch with love and connection. She also practiced asking him to stop the touch as soon as she felt uncomfortable. After some time, his touch no longer triggered these old associations, but instead ignited a feeling of love and comfort.
As Siegel suggests, “understanding how trauma affects the developing brain can yield insights into the subsequent impairments of memory processing and the ability to cope with stress.” So, if you find yourself reacting in a situation that does not feel proportional to what is occurring, consider what triggers or “stories” might be happening. Just take a moment to really get the connection between the thought, past experiences, and present day “lighting” up of the neuronal connections. You can begin challenging these connections and, as a result, create new possibilities for the way you view yourself, others, and experiences!
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Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse. She works with survivors of childhood sexual abuse who are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken, unfixable, and burdened by the past. She helps them let go of the pain of abuse and finally feel normal.
Her program, Beyond Surviving, has been specifically designed to change the way we think about and heal from abuse. Based on her educational training, study of neuroscience, and lessons learned from her own journey, she has successfully used this program since 2007 to help her clients break free from the past and move on with their lives. Rachel holds an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. She provides a compassionate and challenging approach for her clients while using coaching as opposed to therapeutic models.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/realtalkwithrachel/
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Photo Credit:
1. Neuron