I showed up to my first vocal class excited and nervous. My teacher walked in confidently and proclaimed in his beautiful baritone voice, "The first rule to singing:" I quickly pulled out my pen and paper ready to take copious notes. "Don't smoke. If you're going to smoke, use a bong." The class roared in laughter.
I always loved to sing. So, when I saw Art as a core requirement Freshmen year in college, I chose to take a vocal studies class. Throughout the semester, we learned techniques about posture, breath, and range in order to better our vocal quality and make the singing process more effortless on the vocal chords. Although I had a nice voice, I had much to learn when it came to basic technique. I also needed to conquer my fear of stage fright.
We all were required to sing publicly a few times throughout the semester. When it was my turn, I would stand up in front of the class, close my eyes, imagine no one else was in the room, and perform my number while my hands and voice shook. My classmates had so much more confidence in me than I did in myself. They loved listening to me sing, expressed their awe at my natural talent, and applauded at the end of every segment. My teacher honored both my potential and my fear and invited me to improve my ability through one-on-one vocal lessons the following semester.
This time with my teacher was a dream. Although instructors in the past dubbed me as an alto, this teacher heard higher potential in my vocal range and pushed me to be a soprano. Through breath exercises, mouth expansion techniques, and posture, we worked diligently together so that my voice could reach new heights. His confidence in my ability coupled with his warm sense of humor made lessons appropriately challenging and fun.
By the end of my collegiate experience, I was performing in front of thousands of people. I wouldn't say that my fear lessened, but my confidence increased so much due to the unfailing support of my teacher and classmates that the fear no longer mattered.
I discovered my singing voice before I reclaimed my speaking voice. Singing publicly felt easier than speaking publicly because I was simply an instrument performing someone else's words. Speaking and writing publicly has me vulnerable, as I am presenting my own words, my own thoughts, my own values to be applauded or critiqued by my listeners or readers.
I started speaking publicly about my history with sexual abuse with trusted friends and counselors. As I became more confident due to their unfailing support, I began sharing on Facebook to a broader but still private audience. Again, I received likes, and hearts, and acclamations for my honesty. Now, I'm writing a public blog and articles that I have posted on other social media platforms. I hope for these resources to be discovered as helpful and meaningful. I hope to eventually have the opportunity to write a book about my experience.
As I write, I am finding my voice, communicating the wisdom I have strung together through these confusing and painful years, and pulling out some positive and humorous moments that made it all worth it. I'm lucky to have such a supportive community that has affirmed the reclamation of my voice. Thank you for your unfailing support.
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Photo Credits:
1. Chapel